Would you call gay polygamists Mormans?
I was at this year’s Women’s March, and I haven’t seen white girls this woke since they discovered Avocado Toast.
Slow cookers are a great way to get that left in the car all day taste.
Who’s idea was it to put a 60 pound roll of toilet paper in public restrooms? You get like 1 square at a time.
AARP just came out with it’s list of hot dead celebrities. It’s called 60 under 6′.
I love how people were shocked to find out movie theater popcorn was so fattening even though its serving size is measured in tubs.
I’d love to see what the Bible would be like if they had Wikipedia back then.
I appreciate the automated toilet liners at the airport, but the real problem is the seat is still warm.
Trump appoints his personal chiropractor to be surgeon general.
The $400 Yeti Roadie cooler is amazing. It can keep 60 minutes worth of beer cold for 7 days.
MacArthur Genius Grant to be used to buy lunch at mall food court.
There’s a Pinterest board full of recipes for Ramen Noodles. If I had all those other ingredients, why would I be eating this shit?
Feet are the only thing on women that stink as badly as a man.
At old school bachelor parties, the girl would come out the cake. Today, the cake comes out of the girl.
With all the side jobs and preaching, it sounds like Jesus was more of a handyman than a carpenter.