Elvis look alike

Why is it, that when you see dudes who are trying to look like Elvis, they gravitate toward the fat, Vegas 70s era version? If nothing else, it’s got to be hard just finding the clothes.

Immigrants took your job?

Let me get this straight. You’re mad at the Mexican and Indian immigrants who took the job you didn’t want, but can’t get now, because some rich white guy laid you off from the ┬ájob you used to have?

I’m just proud of my vote

Whenever I encounter a Trump supporter and I don’t want to engage in any further conversation, I simply say, I’m proud of my vote.

If they ask why, just say, “because I didn’t want a little bitch in the White House.”


Up on your luck

Whenever you see someone panhandling, or asking for money, we often say that person is down on their luck. Yet, whenever we see some asshole doing really well, no one ever says, that guy is up on his luck.


I ordered a roast beef sandwich, and wanted it rare. But what I got instead, was medium rare. This had happened before, and they happily exchanged it. This time they wouldn’t and I complained to the manager. He said there was nothing he could do about it.

I said, don’t you think your roast beef rules seem kind of Arby-trary?