I was in a car accident a little over a year ago. A white minivan ran the red light and t-boned me at 40 mph. I walked away from it, but later went to the doctor because I was experiencing some pain. After an inconclusive x-ray, the doctor ordered an MRI. Turns out, I had a tiny fracture in my hip socket.

I’ve had plenty of x-rays before, this was my first MRI. When I got to the place, the guy asked me if I was claustrophobic. I said, no. I’ve taken the BART home at rush hour plenty of times and ridden in crowded elevators. How bad could it be.

He asked the wrong question. What he should have asked was have I ever been buried alive. Or spent more than 45 minutes trapped in a coffin while people were trying to excavate asphalt with heavy machinery. He did give me headphones to listen to music. He should have also asked me if I liked smooth jazz.

I’d like to know who approved the design of these things? They’re so user unfriendly, it’s like they shipped the very first version of one without testing it. Every other technology has gotten smaller, as its gotten more powerful.

The MRI is a room-sized machine that makes a shitload of noise. It’s just a magnetic field penetrating your body. You’d think they could just take two iPhone and wave them around you and get the same output. God knows those things are putting out way more energy.